Day 362, Alone

Listening to Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros Radio on Pandora

As much as I love being with people, I love spending time alone just as much. Feeling comfortable being alone is part of existing as a healthy, differentiated individual. But, alone is meant to be a place to visit rather than a place to dwell. When alone and together become best friends, relationships experience this wonderful thing called transcendence.

My friend, Dr. Steve Spotts, first introduced me to what he calls, "The 3 Big Ideas." These ideas are: attachment (togetherness), differentiation (individualism) and transcendence which occurs when a person maintains their individualism while being attached to another. In other words, it's the opposite of co-dependence. 

A few years ago in the fall,  I decided to take myself out to dinner. I found a place downtown that I'd never been to before. I ordered a great meal and was the only person in the restaurant eating alone. I had a great time. After dinner, I left the restaurant and walked through the park blocks. It was really one of the best nights of my life and I felt like it was the night that I decided to like myself. That's a big deal when you've spent so much time not liking yourself. I haven't really turned back since then. But, there is still a lot of room for growth.

This year I'm going to get to know myself better and find those parts of me that I still don't like. I'd like to become friends with those parts. I long to take myself out to breakfast at the French Pastry shop in the La Fonda Hotel in Santa Fe. I'd like to hope that I might be able to do that this year, alone. I've always been there with friends, or girlfriends or with my Dad. We'll see if I make it to Santa Fe. Regardless, I will spend time alone this year and will listen to that thing inside me that says, "know me."

Alone is just as important as together. Alone makes together sweeter.