Golden Rule of Self

A few weeks ago I was on the phone with a life-long friend who now lives in Norway. My friend is highly educated and by all accounts,  is very successful in his field. He loves his wife and kids and he is active in his community. He invites strangers over for dinner and they leave as friends. He has two Masters degrees and may be moving to Japan if he gets the promotion. I'm jealous of my friend and I told him that when we talked.

I have another friend who has an office on the 27th floor of the Fox Tower in downtown Portland. His office windows give a great view of Mt. Hood, the river and Mt. St. Helens. He's an investment banker and makes a great deal of money. He owns two lofts downtown and can't decide which one he likes more. A few weeks ago we were sitting in his office and I felt some jealousy begin to arise.

I have another friend who has an amazing gift for the written word.
And one who owns a home with a chef's kitchen that contains a wood fire pizza oven.
There's one who has an encyclopedic knowledge of the human brain.
And another who draws life-like pencil sketches.

I find myself comparing myself to others much too often. The end result is typically some mild depression or fleeting thoughts that I'm not good enough. Lately, I've been asking some of my friends if they are happy and if they ever feel jealous. I was surprised to find out that most of the people I talked to tend to compare themselves to others frequently. There were some who confessed that they were jealous of me. I know, hard to believe.

There will always be someone who is smarter, makes more money, is better looking, is more talented, has a bigger house, a nicer car or a chef's kitchen. I guess what bothers me is that when I compare myself to others, I am less grateful for what I have, the gifts I possess, the skills I've developed and the things I've achieved. Those things, because of my faulty thinking, look like shadows when I let the lives of others become the sun.

In light of all of this, and at the risk of being narcissistic or prideful, I began to pay more attention to the things I like about myself. Would I find anything? The deeper I dug, the more things I found. It's healthy, though, to love yourself. Narcissism is when you are "in love" with yourself. But loving yourself has a lot to do with being kind to yourself, not picking on yourself, not putting yourself down...the things I spent a good deal of time doing. It finds the best and focuses on the best. We should treat ourselves the way we want others to treat us.


I  hope to learn to treat myself well this year and part of that is to stop comparing myself to others.