A Month Later

My life experiment started 30 days ago by asking the hypothetical question: What if this is the last year of my life. Originally I thought it would make sense to review each day to discover if I lived my days to the fullest. That idea didn't last long. I haven't done anything remarkable this month. There were no journeys to distant lands. No daring feats accomplished. Each day was filled with many of the things I did the day before. Sleeping, eating, driving. Coffee, yogurt, berries. Seeing friends, watching movies, wrestling with the kids. Spending time with Jenn. Looking for work. Writing. Strumming my ukelele. Praying, reading, writing.

And, while I haven't done anything extraordinary this past month, extraordinary things have happened. Paradigm shifts have taken place. For instance, I discovered that I am already fairly happy and I defined happiness as being satisfied.  I've owned parts of my life that I abandoned long ago. One of those parts is being given life now: writing. I made peace with things that have bothered me for decades. I let go of the ideal Wade and accepted the real me with all of my desires, faults, passions and wounds.

The greatest thing I discovered though, is contentment. I love my life. A month ago I didn't think my life was living up to my standards. I was wrong. The question has changed, too. Yesterday I asked myself, "What if I already have the life I want?" Even without having a job right now, I have the life I want because a fulfilling life is first lived internally. My sense of who I am, what I believe and how I see things...those things are all internal. The way I live those things out is an expression of my inner life.

We have it so backwards most of the time. We think if we can get the external things in order then we will feel at peace or feel fulfilled. But, that is a lie. This is why it is crucial, as Socrates suggested, to "know thyself." The most important conversations are not the ones you have with others, they are the conversations you have with yourself. The way you view yourself will shape the way you view the world and then you'll act from that place.


This month I started paying more attention to the things I was telling myself. There are things I've told myself every day for decades that I would never say once to my friends or to my kids. I wouldn't treat them that way. I realized it was not okay for me to treat myself that way either.

What has really changed in 30 days? I look in the mirror now and I like who I see. That is no small thing. I hope to spend the rest of my life living from this place. This has been one of the most important months of my life because I really have gone to distant lands and I've accomplished some daring feats. Give yourself a huge gift today. Look in the mirror and like who you see.

The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning to work on becoming yourself. -- Anna Quindlen