I spend a considerable amount of time wrestling with God. I enjoy it, I think and that's not me being cocky. It's just that I don't tend to spend a great deal of time on things that I don't enjoy, even if they leave scars and cause me to walk with a limp.
I wonder, though, if I'm actually wrestling with God or with views of God. Do I wrestle with Him or with things I've heard about Him that I really don't believe. Things like...God wants me to be happy. I don't think so. Content maybe, but happy? Isn't that too much of a Western idea?
Prayer. I've been wrestling with prayer for most of my life. What is it? What can I expect from it? If I believe in a God who already knows what's on my mind, what is the value in telling Him? Does praying about something produce the same results that it would if I didn't pray about it? Is prayer more about listening than it is about talking?
I understand the value of saying humbling things like, "I need help" and there are many ways of saying that. I guess I just don't believe that I can twist God's arm or appease Him and I won't try. I refuse. This is the point where I cross my arms, sturdy my feet and take a firm stance against the notion that I can get my way with God. I let go of that idea years ago.
My prayers as of late sound like this: God, you are going to do what you want. I get that. You're God. So, if what you do can benefit me in any way, that would be a bonus. If it can't, help me to accept it as your benevolence. When I get upset for not getting my way, I might throw a fit so I ask for your grace in that. Thanks. P.S. About getting a job....
What is prayer to you?
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